I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
