Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I did not marry a roomba.
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