The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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