I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
