We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
