Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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