She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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