butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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