The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize