my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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