And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize