I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
