Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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