So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
