I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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