There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
