rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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