i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
