is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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