After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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