He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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