if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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