how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
