my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
