New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ok first of all what the fuck
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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