Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
