It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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