i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
