I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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