I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
