I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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