I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
