your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
