when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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