Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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