people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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