the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
