So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
