I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
