i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
