He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize