Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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