Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize