So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
