Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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