idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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