i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
