So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize