idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
