It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i out mim tonsoeep
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