Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
