How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
