I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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