Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize