An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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