We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
