So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize