i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
