My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
