So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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