It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
