The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
