did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize