Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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