I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
