today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
