Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
