Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
