WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
