yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
