I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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