with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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