i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
