walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
