At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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