After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
