Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
