U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
