she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
