What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dignity is for republicans.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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