Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
zippers are such a cool invention
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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