we have officially lost it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
