I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
