i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
