You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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