i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
