Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
