i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize