she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
