Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
