i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
