i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
