TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
