WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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