My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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