I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
