dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
