How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
